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Family Structure
Today’s Hindu society is very different from the society of the Vedic period. Nevertheless, some of the old traditions are still being followed partially or in modified forms. Hindus do not go through the four stages of life anymore, as their Vedic ancestors did. After student life, barring a few exceptions, a Hindu enters the stage of a family man and remains there until death. He does not go through the stages of a hermit or an ascetic anymore.
Nearly nine percent of the people of India live in villages. The people of rural India depend mainly on faming for their livelihood. Even two generations ago most Hindus lived in large joint or extended families. Married sons would live with their parents, brothers, unmarried sisters, uncles, aunts, cousins, nephews, nieces, grandparents. The produce of the farm would usually maintain such large families. Today, due to economic reasons and population explosion, the joint family system has been breaking up, giving rise to smaller families – though the tradition of married sons living with their parents and unmarried brothers and sisters is still followed by Hindus.
As rural farms in most cases are no longer able to support the ever-increasing number of families, some smaller families have been moving to the cities to make a living. As a result, some nuclear families are gradually forming in the urban societies, but their number is still small.
A superficial observation of a Hindu family may give the impression that it is a male-dominated one. The father, who is usually the principal breadwinner, appears to be the most authoritative figure. Children hold him in awe because he is the disciplinarian of the family.
Yet it is the mother who really rules the family through her love, kindness, and subtle persuasions. To a Hindu son, the mother’s position is the highest; she is the very emblem of purity. He will never tolerate any indignity shown to his mother by anyone; nor will he tolerate any insult done to his father.
Every member of Hindu society is trained to uphold the respectable image of his or her family. Hindu boys and girls are taught to maintain the purity of their bodies until they are married. Free mixing between young men and women is not allowed. There is no dating in Hindu society.
The relationship between brothers and sisters is very close in this society. Both the brother and the sister gladly make great sacrifices for each other, whenever needed. If the mother dies, the elder sister becomes like a mother to her younger brothers and sisters. Similarly, when his father dies, the eldest son takes care of his mother and his younger brothers and sisters. There have been numerous cases where the eldest son, after his father’s premature death, has taken care of the entire family for years, spending all his income for them without thinking of his own interest or comfort. Such men are highly adored by Hindu society.
It is not to be supposed, however, that there is no selfishness in Hindu society. Selfishness is universal. It exists in Hindu society as well. However, the Hindu value system strongly condemns it. For instance, a son with a comfortable income who does not take care of his elderly or financially handicapped parents is considered by society to be no better than an animal. In Hindu society money does not necessarily bring respectability. What generates respectability is a person’s noble qualities and cultural and educational level.
Treatment of Children in Hindu Society
Children who grow up in a typical Hindu family with their grandparents, uncles or aunts have a special advantage. They are never wanting in genuine love and attention. Such children are lucky not to be at the mercy of questionable babysitters, who work for a fee. They develop healthier minds as a result of growing up in an environment of love and affection. In addition, they learn many valuable traditions from their grandparents. In a larger family, a child learns to adjust to the other members. He learns to share and make sacrifices for others. This training helps the child immensely, not only in his childhood, but also when he grows up. In some urban nuclear families of India, where both the parents have to work owing to economic or other reasons, the children are deprived of these advantages.
Hindu society respects its elderly members. Hindu children are taught to be obedient and respectful to their elders. Talking back disrespectfully to one’s parents or elders is considered uncivilised behaviour. Such behaviour brings disgrace to the entire family.
Through the religious legends and epics of Hinduism, children are made acquainted with role models of morality, ethics and spirituality – such as Rama, Prahlada, Nachiketa, Sita, Savitri, Dhruva, and many others. Moreover, social pressure on individuals to uphold good standards of morality and ethics also persuades Hindu parents to behave in a manner which is inspiring to their children. Unless the parents are good and noble, it is a futile dream to expect the children to grow up into good and noble members of any society.
It may finally be noted that because they are always surrounded by a large number of loving relatives, abuse of children cannot easily take place. Children are punished if they misbehave, but not abused.
Condition of Women in Today’s Hindu Society
Motherhood is considered the greatest glory of Hindu women. The Taittiriya Upanishad teachers, “Matridevo bhava” – “Let your mother be a god to you.” Hindu tradition recognises mother and motherland as even superior to heaven. The epic Mahabharata says, “While a father is superior to ten Brahmin priests well-versed in the Vedas, a mother is superior to ten such fathers, or the entire world.” In Hinduism, God is also looked upon as the Divine Mother. Blessings of both the mother and father are sought by the children in order to succeed in life. Motherly love is considered the most unselfish love. When a mother takes care of her baby, all that she wants is the well-being of the baby. She does not want anything in return. This makes her love superior to other forms of worldly love. These are the reasons why a Hindu mother is highly adored by her children. To her children, she is the very embodiment of chastity, purity and selfless love. Hindu society will never tolerate any insult done to a mother or sister. A riot may start in India to punish the miscreant if the chastity of a Hindu mother or girl is known to have been forcibly violated. To understand the position of women in Hindu society, one has to recognise these Hindu sentiments.
In ancient India, Hindu women did not veil their faces and they enjoyed a considerable amount of freedom in society. But repeated attacks on Hindu India by foreigners through the centuries changed that situation. During such aggressions, and also when India was under foreign occupation, the honour and chastity of women often became the casualties. There have been numerous cases when Hindu women killed themselves rather than yield to indignities inflicted by the aggressors. As a result, Hindu society became more and more protective about its women. The freedom of women was curtailed. To protect themselves Hindu women started covering their faces with veils. They were no longer allowed to have their formal education away from home. Instead, they stayed at home, had whatever education was available there, or none at all. Their participation in social events was greatly restricted.
In the latter half of the 19th century, during the British rule, a few reform movements were started in India to remedy some of the ills of Hindu society, and to prevent the conversion of Hindus to other religions. A great reformer, Raja Rammohan Roy (1772-1833) believed, among other things, in giving higher education and more social freedom to women. He founded a religious organisation called the Brahmo Samaj, which started many schools for women in India. Swami Dayananda Sarasvati (1824-1883), the founder of the Arya Samaj, also believed in the education of women. According to Swami Vivekananda, the founder of the Ramakrishna Mission, “There is no chance for the welfare of the world unless the condition of women is improved. It is not possible for a bird to fly on one wing only.” The Ramakrishna Mission runs many model educational institutions for both men and women in India.
Those reform movements and the political freedom which India gained in the year 1947 have helped improve the condition of Hindu women immensely. Today’s Hindu women enjoy considerable freedom in society. They have the same opportunities which men enjoy in education and other areas of human achievement. Now there are numerous women medical doctors, nurses, engineers, university professors, scientists, philosophers, lawyers, judges, politicians, administrators, social workers, artists, actresses, musicians and dancers in India. For example, Indira Gandhi, a Hindu woman, was the prime minister of India, and other Hindu women hold high positions in the police and defense forces of the government of India. The number of such women has been steadily and rapidly increasing. Hindu women are not lagging behind the men in their pursuit of adventure. Two women have successfully climbed Mount Everest, one of them twice. A Hindu woman has swum across the English channel. There are mountaineering teams consisting of only women, and Hindu women regularly take part in national or international competitions in athletics and other sports.
Even two generations ago almost all Hindu women were financially dependent on their husbands, but not anymore. In many urban as well as rural families, both the husbands and wives earn money. In many families where there are no sons and the parents are elderly and financially inadequate, unmarried working daughters support their parents. India does not yet have social security or similar government welfare plans for the retired or the elderly, which explains why elderly parents have to depend on their grown children, financially or otherwise.
Western media often speak disapprovingly of Indian parents’ reluctance to have girl-children. In this connection Mrs. Lila Majumdar wrote forty years ago, “It is generally supposed that in middle-class Indian families the problem of providing her marriage expenses is so acute as to render a girl-child unwelcome to her own parents. One must understand that lack of affection for the daughter is not the reason for this attitude, but anxiety for her future. Once again, with the growing popularity of education, it must of necessity soon be realised that the educated unmarried daughter may be an asset to the family and not a liability. Indeed, in many advanced families such a woman has often proved to be a source of comfort to her parents in their old age.” Today, forty years later, Mrs. Majumdar’s expectation has been fulfilled.
Regarding arranged marriages, which are still in vogue in India today, Mrs. Majumdar writes:
“For the foolish and utterly ignorant marriage is indeed a denial of self-expression, but for the wise and the educated it is the noblest career the world has to offer. A good marriage gives such opportunities of fulfilment and service as may never be found elsewhere. To this day the normal Indian woman accepts marriage as her natural destiny, not in perpetual tutelage, as has heretofore been often quoted, a tutelage that commenced under her father, continues under her husband and will end under her son, but as a proper partner, not in rivalry with her husband over personal rights, but bound in service with him for the welfare of the family and the nation.
“To the Western judgment this betokens a slave mentality, but Indian women look upon it otherwise. Indeed, it is an anomaly that in continents where women have fought for their freedom and rights through generations, there should be such feverish competition among almost all adult, even adolescent, women in order to secure a husband at any cost. A glance at the advertisement pages of any popular Western magazine strengthens the idea that the sole aim of dressmakers, chemists and cosmetic manufacturers is so to disguise a plain girl as will enable her to catch a man’s eye with matrimony as her final goal. The Indian attitude appears more natural, dignified and simpler in every way. To the Indian girl, even now, marriage is neither frustration nor self-satisfaction, but a self-dedication. An Indian woman, to this day, does not marry her husband alone but adopts his whole family and identifies her own happiness with their well-being. She is bound by ties of duty not only to her husband but also to his parents, brothers, sisters, and even nieces and nephews. This imposes a discipline over her emotions and desires, no less rigorous than that of any school. To her eyes the Western idea of family life, which excludes and resents a widowed mother’s, an invalid father’s or ruined brother’s claims, appears mean and selfish in the extreme. The modern Indian woman is no slave to her family, but the dispenser of its welfare. She will gladly cook, sew, nurse and teach not only for her husband and children but also for those of his relations who may need her services. This is not frustration, but the true fulfilment of her womanhood.”
Professor Majudar’s above words eloquently express the ideal of Hindu womanhood, although her opinion of western women and western family life is open to controversy. No culture or society in this world can claim perfection. Perfection on a societal basis will never be achieved. Nevertheless, all progressive societies crave perfection. Imperfection in a society is measured by its evils. And every evil in a society is caused by the selfishness of one or more of its members. Only the willing and loving self-sacrifice of its members can make a society better. Hindu society has been trying to achieve this through its time-honoured ideal of self-sacrifice and service.