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Many scholars have rightly described Hinduism as a way of life. Every important event of Hindu life has to be sanctified through religious observance. This ritualistic sanctification or sacramant is called samskara in Sanskrit. There are ten such samskaras, pertaining to (1) marriage, (2) the consummation of marriage, (3) prayers for the well-being of a pregnant woman, (4) the birth of a child, (5) naming of the baby, (6) giving the baby its first solid food, (7) the baby’s first hair-cut, (8) introduction of the child to his studies, (9) Upanayana or the sacred thread ceremony, and (10) the returning home ceremony after a student completes his education at the teacher’s home. For every such event specific worship ritual has to be performed.
Other than the above, there are prescribed religious rituals for (1) the funeral for the departed, (2) the post-funeral honouring of the departed (Shraddha Ceremony), (3) building a new home, (4) entering a new home, (5) spiritual initiation, and (6) the attainment of puberty for girls.
Today, because of the changed times and altered life-styles of the Hindus, not all the samskaras mentioned above are strictly followed. Under special circumstances such lapses are condoned by Hinduism. For instance, the scriptures say that a Hindu need not strictly observe the scriptural injunctions and prohibitions in a foreign land if the circumstances there are not conducive to such an observance.
Hindu Marriages – Ancient & Modern
Hindu society is much more family-oriented and close-knit than societies in the West. The average size of a typical Hindu family is generally much larger than a family in the West. Married sons live with their parents, brothers, unmarried sisters, and also grandparents. Young women, when married, go to the homes of their in-laws to live with their husbands. There are very few nuclear families in Hindu society.
Maintaining the good image of the family is considered one of the primary duties of the family members. The respectability of a Hindu family is determined by the moral virtues of its members and its cultural level, and not necessarily by its wealth. Every member of a family is expected to uphold or enhance the good image of the family by maintaining its moral and cultural level.
An important event like the marriage of a family members is bound to have its impact on the entire family. None should enter into a matrimonial relationship which will adversely affect the image of the family. A Hindu marriage is not just a relationship between a husband and wife; it also engenders a close and lasting relationship between the members of both families. It is sometimes said, and not too incorrectly, that a Hindu marriage is more a marriage between two families than between two persons.
In general, Hindu marriages are arranged by the parents or guardians of the young people. In the rare cases where young men or women choose their own marriage partners, the approval of the parents or the guardians must be obtained. Otherwise it may cause a lot of heartache or sadness for both the families involved. Parents, being more experienced, are usually able to select a good marriage partner for their son or daughter. They make through inquiries about not only their future daughter-in-law or son-in-law, but their families as well. During the negotiations, the intended couple are allowed to see each other only once or twice in the presence of family members. If they like each other and give their consent, then their marriage is arranged by the parents or guardians. No premarital dating or free mixing between men and women, as in the West, is allowed in Hindu society. According to available statistics, such arranged marriages are many times more harmonious and stable than marriages where the partners choose each other.
In ancient times the following eight types of marriage took place in Aryan society:
Among all these marriages, brahma marriage was considered superior to the others. The lawgiver Manu prohibited asura and paishacha marriages. Gandharva and rakshasa marriages were also considered inferior because they were caused by lustful impulses. Only the kshatriyas were permitted to have grandharva and rakshasa marriages. During the time of Manu the kshatriyas, who were either rulers or warriors, considered rakshasa marriage an act of bravery. To capture a woman the kshatriyas had to fight with her relatives. They had to risk their lives to wed a woman of their own choice. It also appears that the kshatriyas, more than others, indulged in gandharva marriages. Aside from that, it was the duty of the kings to enforce the laws governing society. Manu obviously chose the path of least resistance. He did not want to antagonise the kings who were kshatriyas.
Brahma marriage is observed by Hindus today. Either giving or taking a dowry in marriage is strongly condemned by various sages and scriptures of Hinduism. For instance, anceient law books such as the Apastamba Smriti and Manu Smriti; scriptures such as the Narada Purana; and sages like Sanatkumara, have strongly condemned the dowry system. Nevertheless, in certain parts of India today, the bride’s parents are often pressured by the bridegroom’s family to give a dowry for their daughter’s marriage. This practice, in violation of the dictates of the scriptures and the saints, has turned into a social evil. Should other efforts fail, young and idealistic Hindu men and women must come forward and start a movement to eradicate this evil.
A Hindu marriage consists of five important ceremonies:
The entire marriage procedure for the bride and bride-groom is an elaborate religious ritual consisting of fasting, prayer, worship, and some festivities. The exchange of rings and garlands is also a part of Hindu marriage ritual. The marriage ritual starts with the Vagdana ceremony and ends with the Saptapadi ceremony. The marriage generally takes place in the bride’s home. After the marriage the bride goes with the groom to her in-laws’ home where other religious rituals connected with their marriage take place. There is no honeymoon in a Hindu marriage. During these ceremonies many friends and relatives are invited and treated with sumptuous feasts in both the homes. The bride is usually lavished with various gifts by the invited guest and relatives.
Different dictates have been given by the ancient scriptures and law books of Hinduism regarding the marriageable age of the bride and bridegroom. According to one such dictate, the bridegroom should be twice the age of the bride. According to another, the bridegroom should be twenty-five and the bride sixteen. Marriage of a young man under twenty-one was not recommended by the scriptures. These ancient rules are not strictly followed by today’s Hindus.
Today a typical Hindu young man living in a city is likely to marry between the ages of 25 and 30. He may not think of marriage until he has a comfortable income. He is expected to marry a woman of his own caste but not his own Gotra. He is likely to marry a woman younger than he. Preferably she should be of a financial, cultural and educational background similar to his own.
In rural areas, however, children of farmers and land owners marry relatively younger. Three or four generations ago many boys and girls in villages married before attaining puberty. Such child marriages were later consummated through a religious ceremony when both the girls and boys became adults. These child marriages, however, have been legally banned in India for many years.
Although the main rituals of Hindu marriage are generally observed everywhere, secondary rituals connected with marriage may differ from place to place. Such variation is due to different local customs or family traditions. Hindus of certain smaller sects and those who belong to the lower cultural and economic strata of Hindu society follow relatively simplified versions of Hindu marriage.
Priests are usually appointed to conduct traditional Hindu marriages. Marriages officiated by priests are considered sacraments; they are not required by Hindu law to be registered. However, in some cities a small number of registered marriages, conducted by judges or registrars of marriages, have lately been taking place. These marriages are usually intercaste marriages, or marriages which would not be easily approved of or condoned by Hindu society.
During the Vedic period, there was some provision for the remarriage of virgin widows, but no provision for the remarriage of virgin widows, but no provision for divorce. Hindu marriage is a lifelong commitment – a sacrament never to be broken through separation. Its foundation is chastity, fidelity and mutual trust between the husband and wife. Nevertheless, through the Hindu Marriage Act of 1955, divorce was legalised by the Indian Parliament. To this day, however, there are very few divorces in Hindu society. The vast majority of Hindus have not yet wholeheartedly approved of this reform. Indulging in divorce is still bound to tarnish the image of any respectable Hindu family.
Although permitted by law, Hindu widows with children rarely remarry. A Hindu mother is highly adored and loved by her children. To them she is the embodiment of chastity and purity. Her remarriage would be a terrible shock to her children. Hindu legends and history are full of stories of ideal Hindu women who would rather kill themselves by taking poison or jumping into fire than lose their bodily purity and chastity. When a woman becomes a widow, either her husband’s family or her own family comes forward to take care of her and her children. She does not feel helpless or abandoned by her relatives.
Hindu Funerals
Hindus generally cremate their dead. The body of the departed is given a bath and dressed in fresh clothes. Fragrant sandalwood paste is applied to the corpse, which is then decorated with flowers and garlands, followed by a small amount of gold dust sprinkled on different parts of the head and face. After some purificatory scriptural chants and worship rituals, the body is placed on the funeral pyre facing either north or south. A close relative of the departed, preferably the eldest son, lights some kindling and walks around the pyre chanting a prayer for the well-being of the departed soul. Then he lights the funeral pyre after touching the mouth of the departed with kindling. In some big cities of India, bodies are cremated in modern crematoria. The same is true for Hindus living in the West. The ashes are later put in a holy river or in the sea. As all holy rivers eventually pour into the sea, the sea is considered very holy.
The body of a Hindu saint is not usually cremated. It is either put in a grave or buried in water. In a water-burial the body is securely tied to a long and flat piece of heavy rock and immersed in the deep waters of a holy river while scriptures are chanted aloud.
In Hinduism an early funeral is considered beneficial to the departed soul. The departed soul is likely to have some lingering attachment to the body left behind. Such attachment may make the departed soul temporarily earthbound. An early cremation frees the departed soul from such a bondage.