https:\/\/www.befrienders.org.my\/how-to-help<\/a>)
<\/p>\n\n\n\nBe quiet and listen!<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u200bIf someone is feeling depressed or suicidal, our first response is to try to help. We offer advice, share our own experiences, try to find solutions. \u200bWe\u2019d do better to be quiet and listen. People who feel suicidal don\u2019t want answers or solutions. They want a safe place to express their fears and anxieties, to be themselves.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Listening \u2013 really listening \u2013 is not easy. We must control the urge to say something \u2013 to make a comment, add to a story or offer advice. We need to listen not just to the facts that the person is telling us but to the feelings that lie behind them. We need to understand things from their perspective, not ours.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Here are some points to remember if you are helping a person who feels suicidal.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
What do people who feel suicidal want?
\u2013 Someone to listen. Someone who will take time to really listen to them.
\u2013 Someone who won\u2019t judge, or give advice or opinions, but will give their undivided attention.
\u2013 Someone to trust. Someone who will respect them and won\u2019t try to take charge. Someone who will treat everything in complete confidence.
\u2013 Someone to care. Someone who will make themselves available, put the person at ease and speak calmly. Someone who will reassure, accept and believe. Someone who will say, \u201cI care.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
What do people who feel suicidal not want?
\u2013 To be alone. Rejection can make the problem seem ten times worse. Having someone to turn to makes all the difference. Just listen.
\u2013 To be advised. Lectures don\u2019t help. Nor does a suggestion to \u201ccheer up\u201d, or an easy assurance that \u201ceverything will be okay.\u201d Don\u2019t analyze, compare, categorize or criticize. Just listen.
\u2013 \u200bTo be interrogated. Don\u2019t change the subject, don\u2019t pity or patronize. Talking about feelings is difficult. People who feel suicidal don\u2019t want to be rushed or put on the defensive. Just listen.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
In Summary<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\nDOs<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n\u2013 Approach your friend and let him\/ her know you have noticed.
\u2013 Ask about his\/her well-being.
\u2013 Listen to his\/her problems and feelings.
\u2013 Be accepting, do not judge.
\u2013 Be patient and gentle.
\u2013 Show that you care.
\u2013 Ask openly and directly if he\/she is thinking of harming himself\/herself.
\u2013 Take threats seriously.
\u2013 Get help.
\u2013 Call Befrienders.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
DON\u2019Ts<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n\u2013 Don\u2019t offer empty words or reassurance.
\u2013 Don\u2019t give up on your friends \u2013 maintain contact with the person at risk.
\u2013 Never assume that talk of suicide is simply a manipulation for attention.
\u2013 Don\u2019t think that having previously failed an attempted suicide will prevent someone from another attempt.
\u2013 Don\u2019t minimize your friend\u2019s pain.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Being listened to.
<\/strong>
It is important for people to have the opportunity to explore difficult feelings. Being listened to in confidence, and accepted without prejudice, can alleviate general distress, despair and suicidal feelings.<\/p>\n\n\n\nOften being listened to is enough to help someone through a time of distress. Even just showing that you are there for them, and that you know they are going through a distressing time, can in itself be a comfort.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Are you a good listener?<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Do you:<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u2022 Always try to give people your undivided attention?
\u2022 Let them sit in silence and collect their thoughts if they need to?
\u2022 Question them gently, tactfully and without intruding?
\u2022 Encourage them to tell their story in their own words and in their own time?
\u2022 Refrain from offering advice based on your own experience?
\u2022 Always try and see their point of view even though you may not agree with it?
. these can help show someone that you are really listening to them.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
or Do you:
\u2022 Look around the room or glance at your watch while they are talking?
\u2022 Finish their sentences for them and correct their grammar?
\u2022 Interrupt to tell them how you once had a similar problem?
\u2022 Make a snap judgement based on their accent, dress or personal appearance?
\u2022 Tell them what you would do in their position?
\u2022 Say you understand before you\u2019ve heard what their problem is?<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u2026 but these can give the impression that you are not listening.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
(Source: Befriendershttps:\/\/www.befrienders.org.my\/how-to-help) Be quiet and listen! \u200bIf someone is feeling depressed or suicidal, our first response is to try to help. We offer advice, share our own experiences, try to find solutions. \u200bWe\u2019d do better to be quiet and listen. People who feel suicidal don\u2019t want answers or solutions. They want a safe place to […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"parent":0,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"footnotes":""},"class_list":["post-174","page","type-page","status-publish","hentry"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/suicideawareness.my\/boblew\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/pages\/174","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/suicideawareness.my\/boblew\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/pages"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/suicideawareness.my\/boblew\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/page"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/suicideawareness.my\/boblew\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/suicideawareness.my\/boblew\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=174"}],"version-history":[{"count":5,"href":"https:\/\/suicideawareness.my\/boblew\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/pages\/174\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1022,"href":"https:\/\/suicideawareness.my\/boblew\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/pages\/174\/revisions\/1022"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/suicideawareness.my\/boblew\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=174"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}